Behind the scenes of a hostage situation

Author

Rachelle C Davis
December 12, 2023

I woke up to see sales come in since last night..

From my email yesterday..

I waved my phone in the face of my 2 captors..

Stripe transactions all over my screen..

To show them my money making ability.

They looked impressed… then frowned.

“Mas..

Necesitas mas..

Mas dinero.”

(They actually yelled at me a bunch in Spanish but all I understood was mas dinero)

Suddenly, another man struts in the bathroom where I’m held hostage…

He looks like he runs this drug ring…

He slaps the phone out of my hands..

Slaps my face..

Crouches down so that our faces nearly touch while he looks me dead in the eye and says..

“Mira, blanca..

Get more sales for us now or you die.”

Si senor, I reply as I reach towards my phone across the small bathroom..

I just need to use this app on my smartphone to type simple emails..

And I’ll get you your money.

He glares at me and hands my phone back..

Then I frantically log on to write you this email..

So here’s the deal:

I’m trying to get back to America from Colombia on Sunday..

But I was kidnapped this week and held for ransom..

I can’t sell drugs or my body because no one would want to buy any of that from me..

I could probably sell feet pics since people have been asking..

And one of my esteemed subscribers is now advising me on how to do it..

But for all I know, my captors have a foot fetish and things will get even weirder.

You never really know what people are into these days.

So I offer you a curated collection of my best emails from 2023..

All my best hits from this year..

That I’ve sent to my list (to my Damn Good subscribers, including you)..

Plus I’ll write commentary on the emails..

So you get a behind the scenes look at each email..

What I was thinking..

And anything else that is helpful, interesting, or fun.

For folks who have gotten value and entertainment from my emails this year..

This will be a treat.

It’ll make a brilliant bathroom read in 2024..

And it’s only $17 until Sunday..

Then the price goes up.

Help me pay my ransom to these Colombians and get myself back home..

Just place your pre-order for the collection here:

Now is the time to support me when it counts the most..

I need you to show up for me.

Hit the link above and place your pre-order.

-Rachelle C Davis